I Didn’t Think Her Death Would Bother Me. It was expected, after all.

My Mom had a stroke the first day of Spring 2013. She died a few days before Summer began. An expected end to a complex relationship, I was surprised how much sadness I felt.

This is a little too gooey for my taste, but it was what I felt.

 

7/4/13

Oh tears wash me

wash these tired, jaded, eyes

wash away these times that wash o’er

that fill this mired mind with pictures of times and smiles

painted of memory and smoke

That, grab as I try,

break and dance past fingers desperate reaching

then wash back to fill again with

waves of sadness waves of dread

waves forcing forth tears and silent shaking

lost in sorrow

hoping solitude allows mourning without explanation required or requested

rolling in pure, primal sorrow – no comfort sought or wanted

oh tears, sweet and lonely tears, wash

wash away wash away

so in time

the blue day outside laughing can beckon not taunt

wash away the time that must be taken

to traverse this desert

crossing so I may drop,

dry,

exhausted,

to fill again with sweet sweet water

at the oasis of

Carry On.

in time can I hope

I can hope

in time

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